Regular lessons aren't for every rider or horse person, any more than all medicines are appropriate for all people. The decision to take lessons or not is a personal one that needs to be made by the individual concerned. There are people who can't afford lessons on a regular basis, or who can't afford private instruction, and there are those who have money to burn. In between, there is a whole other group which tends to take lessons when they feel they should, which is not necessarily when others feel they should. There is no "one size fits all" solution when it comes to the issue of riding lessons or instruction. Some people do just fine on their own without lessons, others need a ground person to work with them. Still others are in situations or are dealing with problems in their horses that require the help of a professional. Some people can't tolerate being told what to do, especially by someone they either don't like or don't trust. As an example, I can't stand Pat Parelli and his system of "training". That doesn't mean I'm a bad rider or a bad person- I just happen to feel that Parelli's methods are not for me and not for the great majority of people I know.
Right now, it sounds like you're in a place where enjoying your horse is more important to you than looking pretty or "being the best" is- and there's nothing wrong with being where you are. Showing and winning at shows isn't everything, nor is it for all people. Some of us ride to relax, to stay in shape, to relieve stress, or just simply to get outside and breathe the fresh air and see the sun- and there's not a thing wrong with any of this, either. I personally can't afford to take lessons very often- my budget simply won't permit it. I do what I can, but usually end up having to save for months in order to be able to afford to do one clinic or to attend more than a few schooling shows. I've been riding my horse for 5 years now, and I have yet to take her to a recognized show, simply because I can't afford to do this. I'm also hampered by the fact that I live in a state where there are very few if any professionals around who teach in my chosen discipline ( dressage) and the few who are here aren't worth riding with because they haven't been in the sport long enough to be effective as coaches. What that means is that I have to go outside my local area if I want to take lessons- often far outside it. That means I end up paying for more than just a lesson- I have to pay for diesel for the truck, and make arrangements far enough in advance so I have a driver available to help me. Sometimes this also means I have to get up really early on a Saturday morning, too- and Saturdays are important days for me for other reasons. You're fortunate in that you happen to have your horse at a barn where there is a trainer in residence- but that's not true for many of the rest of us. You should take advantage of that- but only when you feel it is appropriate and that both you and your horse can benefit from it. What matters is how YOU feel about the issue, not necessarily how the trainer feels. Her big interest is making a living and earning money, so she naturally wants to sign on as many clients as possible. But that isn't your interest- and when people are on different paths as far as what the goal is, conflict will inevitably arise at some point. This is the "barrier" between you and your trainer that you spoke of. It's caused by your being in a different place with a different mindset than she is and has. Of course she wants you to win and do well- she knows she won't get paid if that's not the case. But there comes a time in every relationship at which a line gets crossed and peoples' paths diverge. You may be at that point. If you want to stop taking lessons for a while, do so. Eventually, something will happen or you'll decide you want to learn a new skill, and the sport will call you back. That's what happens to a lot of us. I may go for months or years without lessons, but then decide that I want to do something specific that requires me to get some help from somewhere. This past year, it has been trying to learn how to teach my horse to do transitions from a working to a medium canter, without having her simply speed up. She doesn't yet understand the difference between simply covering more ground with each stride and speeding up- and because I have had very little instruction in how to teach her that difference, I've been forced to get some help with the issue. I don't want this to be a case of the blind leading the blind any more than is necessary- hence my search for a trainer that I can afford who can help me figure this out. The search hasn't been an easy one- good trainers don't pop out of thin air. But until I get to where I want to be, I will keep looking and keep trying to work on my own.