Drama at the Stables= sleepless night. Please help!?

Question

My husband is in the army and we recently had a permanent change of station, I wont mention where, but we are now boarding on post at the stables. This is the first time we have ever boarded in a stable area. My horse has been in a pasture for years and I am now learning what people mean by "barn drama". Every one is SO catty with one another. I actually have to keep the rules of the stables in my truck because boarders are very quick to tell you about the way they want you to do things.

Recently a new horse has moved into the paddock adjacent to mine. The new horse owner told me she'd never owned a horse and didnt know what to feed it and asked me to help her in the round pen, which i did for an hour. Another boarder informed me that the new horse owner called the stables manager to inform her that my horse is being "mean" to her horse. The stable manager has yet to contact me..but the owner of this new horse has no problem telling all of the other boarders of the action she has taken, but has yet to mention it to me. I have not seen my horse be "mean" or aggressive to her horse in any way. In the rules it states that any aggressive horse must be moved to a different area. I dont want to move her again after shes just now getting used to this new area. She also told the manager that I do not take care of my horse. My horse is fed (hay), paddocked cleaned of manuare, watered, grained, then let out to pasture every morning at 6am and let back in at 5pm. I pay my bills, my dogs are fed, and my horse is well fed even when my husband and I can barely buy ourselves groceries.

I suppose I really just need to vent, there's not to much of a question besides how do I handle this?? I have never in my life had anything like this happen. I love my horse with all of my heart, shes my best friend and the love of my life..

Answer 1

So she admits to you that she knows little about horses but seems to know that you are "neglecting" yours...



There is little you can do about the horses. If they can put their heads over the fences then they can sniff which can lead to squealing, kicking, nipping. Anyone with any horse sense knows that this is NORMAL horse behavior, especially when I a new horse is introduced. Their establishing their pecking order and getting to know each other.



I think the reason why the stable owner has failed to contact you is because there is nothing to even speak to you about. If you feel the need, you can contact the owner yourself and tell them that you've heard rumors that you're not taking care of your horse and you would like them to be stopped. Let the owner handle the drama, they may already have pegged this woman as an idiot which is to why they aren't calling you. Some boarders are just like that. No matter what, no one else is as smart as them, no one knows what they're doing because they didn't tell you how to do it, etc... unfortunately it's part of the horse world. Although confronting the other woman directly may create additional drama and tension, usually shutting the tap off at the source is the best way. I would say to her civilly "If you have any problems with my horse or the way I take care of it, please address it to me directly." You could also have the stable owner come with you talk to her to help mediate and it will probably shut her up faster then she can blink.



I would just shrug it off. I know it's easier said then done but you know and others know that your horse is taken care of.

Answer 2

I used to train with some ladies who boarded at an Air Force base. I still have friends who live on base but have since boarded off base. Base stables are notorious for excessive drama (though that's a factor at any boarding stable on some level), so what you are describing is very common. If you feel your horse is safe there, then ignore the other people, be polite, keep your rulebook, and stay away from them as much as possible. I wouldn't go helping other people out too much, because then they will have more to make up stories about. Just spend time with your horse and leave. Now, when you think the atmosphere is unsafe, then approach the manager once. If nothing is done, move your mare right away! I have heard of people putting nails in paddocks = lame horses, boarders leaving gates unhooked after owners leave = loose horses, stolen tack "it was a mix up, I have one just like it" and never getting it back.... the list is long, so be careful and I hope that verbal drama is the only problem at your barn, at least that is not unsafe and is just annoying. As they say "kill them with kindness'.... but be brief about it :-) All the best.

Answer 3

Some barns are worse than others, but most do have their politics. Hopefully the barn manager is a good level headed person. If this is the case he/she can probably see past this person's accusations. An experienced horse person can see the difference in a well cared for vs. neglected horse a mile away. Your horse's good condition should be all the defense you need.



As for your horse being "mean" is she referring to the normal antics of horses working out herd social structure and boundaries? New horse people often think this looks barbaric, but newly introduced horses often do a good deal of chasing and bickering while they sort out their relationship. This could be a few days or a few months, but it is normal, and it is best to allow it to run its course while trying to protect them from any real physical damage (which if they are in separate paddocks as it sounds like they are, you already have.) Also, contrary to popular lay person belief, horses are not cars. They have their own opinions and personalities. Even after they work through the initial who's in charge and who's space is who's stuff, to what extent they will become friends or simply learn to tolerate each other varies drastically, and very occasionally there are two horses that just cannot stand each other and never will be able to.



Again, a good barn manager will understand the difference between normal horse behavior and true aggression. Your horse is her own character witness, which is probably why the barn manager hasn't said anything. The barn manager is probably fully aware that the newbie doesn't know any better and is just stirring up drama.

Answer 4

Chinese whispers!

He said, she said. It happens and many barns are allowed to become like school where cliques are formed and rumours are rife.



To sort things out ask the new horse owner if it is true, she will probably deny it but it will make her aware that you have had things get back to you.



If the manager is aware, and they should be, then they will ignore or should correct, anything she says. If the horses are in different paddocks how can one be nasty to the other? They might make faces over the fence but no harm can come of it and an new owner might not know the difference between playing and nasty.



Be up front, face the issue. Talk to the person and the barn owner. Be no nonsense about it all and just ask both if what you have heard is true or not.



It could be that a third person was jealous of you helping the new owner and started trouble. The only way to know is to ask those concerned.

Answer 5

Yeah i understand it happend to my aunt and i alot

we have been to at least 20 barns in my horses life

its a sad fact that when one person turns on you the rest think you weak and attack

i guess its a bit like when vulters follow a weak looking animal

anyway the only thing to do is to either just ignore the freacks forever and they will leave you alone or confront the the horse owners and hopefully they will agree that any mare in fact any horse will try to make a list of donimonce, like as you say they are new they could just be getting used to the fact that there are horses there that are already at the top of the food chain. But in there defence my horse was the pillow of the herd at my last place for each time i put him in the field they would chase him and bite and kick at him, plus they were all massive horses and hes only a pony, but yeah that was al the way though the whole month i was there. Well i guess all i can say is good luck and i hope i helped if at all xxxx

Answer 6

Ignore it. The manager hasn't mentioned anything to you yet chances are he won't. Trust me, I work in the office at a barn and when we get someone saying that we do the 'oh yes we'll keep an eye on it, we'll work something out' just to put the person at ease, when it's in a situation that the person is being a pain and it's something that's not legit we don't even mention it again. The workers would know if there's a problem with aggressive horses (it's something they notice, they know every horse, there personality, vices, problems etc), chances are the barn owner knows it's not legit already and that's why they haven't noticed it. Stop helping her (you've helped her and she's done that to you behind your back?!), keep being nice to her, and just ignore it.

Answer 7

Welcome to the catty world of yards!! Theres always someone in a yard that will upset other people for no reason.

The things shes coming out with are ridiculous - and so jeuvenille - what age is she? Like 5!!!?



The best way I would advise you to handle this is not to rise to it. If your barn manager does speak to you about it - tell her that you've never seen your horse express any signs like this woman has described - but if your horse must be moved to another area - then you want it to be WELL away from this womans horse. I understand your horse shouldnt have to be the one thats moved, but co-operating with the manager will make him/her see that you're not the one being awkward or childish.



I would also advise you whilst - continue to be civil to this woman - say hello and goodbye and if she engages in conversations - talk back but never again be available to help her out with her horse.

Boarding a horse in an atmosphere like this woman has created is unpleasant, but hopefully things will blow over soon - remember at the end of the day your main priority is your horse and so long as she is being looked after and you're happy with the care shes getting then thats the main thing - whilst it is nice to have friends in a yard - its not a requirement.



xx

Answer 8

It's ok to vent- we all need to do it at some stage, and it can make for great reading.



The best way to deal with this person is to ignore them. Don't speak to them, don't help them, even if they ask. Also, if you continue to take the best possible care of your horse, there is not much the stable manager will do, based solely on the whinges of a miserable envious madam. It is not uncommon for a newcomer to single out someone- usually someone who has shown kindness to them- and targeted them in an attempt to turn the others against that person, in this case you.



I doubt the stable manager will ask you to move your horse if he hasn't seen any signs of aggression from your horse, and I'm sure he is thrilled that you care so well for your horse and pay your bills on time.



Sometimes it is easier to just sit back and say nothing to these troublemakers, hard though it may be.

Answer 9

I live at a boarding facility, and the same thing happens here ALL the TIME. It can be frustrating. Like everyone has said, just ignore it. Most people are just full of hot air and nothing much comes of it. Most barn drama will blow over in a few days. Don't sweat it! Be friendly to everyone, even the people you can't stand, and no one will have a reason to start trouble with you. Who knows, you might just help the 'catty' people learn to make friends! Good luck, and enjoy meeting new people!



~Emily and Lady Alishanee

Answer 10

I do not ignore people who go around causing trouble for no reason. I would confront them with what I've learned and see what they had to say...of course they are cowards & will deny or flat out lie. I would , after their denial, say that if I hear of anything in the future that we both would sit down with the Barn Manager and hash things out. And in the future, if they have any problems concerning me...to just ask me. Usually straight forward flat serious ( no anger or emotion) talk will send them looking for an easier target....those types never change.

Answer 11

I feel awful for you! I would just ignore it, and approach the stable manager yourself. Sounds like an anal place! If your horse is mean you have to move it? LOL honestly! So ridiculous. I would confront these people too.... you are not a force to be reckoned with!

Answer 12

What to talk of one night, I have passed several nights sleepless & burning in anger causing a negative turn in me. Previously I was known for never getting angry.

Answer 13

Next time she starts causing problems, just ask "...and how long have you been involved in the horse industry?"



It should shut her up pretty quick.

Answer 14

I can only say just ignore it and ignore them. As you said, the stable owner hasn't contacted you- you've done nothing wrong- walk away from the drama and shrug your shoulders- sounds like they just want attention. Go hang with your horse and to hell with the rest of them. Good luck:)

Answer 15

ignore them the only person you really have to deal with is the owner of the barn, so just IGNORE

people who gossip and ***** clearly have no life